What the!?

This morning as I was going through my morning routine, well more like stumbling though it as I had yet to have coffee, when out of no where (well likely not no where, more likely it came from the deep recesses of my heart, or God, or both, anyway where it came from isn't whats important but what came…) “I need to journal.” And since it had been over 2 months since I have even looked at my journal (it use to be the best part of my morning, well that and coffee, praise the good Lord in Heaven for coffee!) I thought back “yeah OK, I think i can fit in some journaling.” That is a long explanation, I don’t know about you, but for me sometimes it just feels good to ramble …

OK focus Maria!

First line (after the date and Dear Father God,) …

I hurt. I’m sad. Please send help.

That’s dramatic! (if you know me at all you’ll know I am prone to the dramatic.)

So I made a list of all the beautiful people in my life, who fill my life with meaning and joy, I made a list of the things I am passionate about… 

And that got me thinking…

Do you ever feel discouraged and disappointed, because you look around at your life and you think “what the!!!?? This isn't how things were suppose to turn out!”?

Sure you have, we all have (I bet you even Beyonce at one point or another has thought to her self “OK this isn’t going the way I had hoped.”).

Although we all experience times of disappointment, some of more then others due to life circumstances and personality (and i’m sure other things that I don’t even know about).

As I was bewailing my disappointment two thoughts came to mind…

“Who made you the boss?”

And “How do you know how things were suppose to turn out?”

Aaahh, good point.

This might be the point were you check out (if you didn’t earlier as I rambled…) but just wait encouragement is coming, I promise, just stick with me for a few more moments…

Step One (I need clear instructions, so I like steps, they simplify things for me): 

"… pour out your heart before God, for God cares …" (paraphrased Psalm 62:8)

Step Two: Take a step back, shut up, listen and get some perspective…

"Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding. Who determined its measurements—surely you know! Or who stretched the line upon it? On what were its bases sunk, or who laid its cornerstone, when the morning stars sang together and all the sons of God shouted for joy?..." (Job 38: 4-7, but if you have time read 38-41)

OK that’s sobering. Yet the next passages that came to mind reminded me that …

Step Three: Be reminded that God is for us!

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jer 29:11)

I know that this verse is not to us, but I believe it is for us, and it is theme of Scripture, again…

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good…” (Romans 8:28)

So there you have it folks! 

Aaahh what do we have exactly?

Well... a three step program to get over yourself…

I think. 

Hey I found it fairly helpful, maybe give it a try, and let the Lord lead you, I’m sure God has other ways that will encourage you, you just need to take some time to pay attention…

Torment

This morning I sat down to journal with the Lord for the first time in a little while and the first words that came to the page were:

Me: Father God, I need you

God: I AM right here daughter.

Me: Amen, may that be the truth.

God: Why do you need Me right here?

Me: Because my life doesn’t make sense without you.

God: Bur you know I AM always with you right?

Me: Yeah, but there is a difference from knowing in my head and knowing in my being, in my heart, in the way I breath, speak, spend, laugh, play, work…

Then the next thoughts that came seem somewhat unrelated, but bear with me and I will attempt to make a connection…

Do not be anxious about anything, what you will eat or wear or where you will sleep! Instead with thanksgiving, praise and supplication offer up all your requests and a peace that surpasses all understanding will fall upon you! 

That is my version of Jesus’ words from Matthew 6, combined with Paul’s words from Philippians 4.

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. (Matthew 6: 25-34)

“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4: 4-7)

As you can see my version is a little off, but it has the same spirit behind it. DO NOT WORRY, DO NOT BE ANXIOUS ABOUT ANYTHING!

You may be asking, what really anything!? But I have this huge paper due, i have bills that I can’t pay, my mother has cancer, how can you tell me not be anxious, not to worry? That is not fair, it’s not possible.

My worries and anxieties are fairly light but never the less I am being disobedient by worry6ing, I am saying to God you are not good or big enough to take care of me, you don’t love me enough to take care of me…

Worrying and being anxious is a problem because it is being disobedient, but this morning I was reflecting not that maybe that’s not the most important thing, that its being disobedient, rather maybe we need to think about the promise that comes with not being anxious, not worrying…

“the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” 

What!? I can give away my worries and anxieties, hand them over to my Father God with rejoicing, thanksgiving, prayer and supplication (earnestly and humbly) and receive peace that will protect my emotions and thoughts from the torment of worries and anxieties! 

This is HUGE people! HUGE! 

OK so I promised you a connection…

I have been feeling a distance from God in my emotions and in my thoughts, because I have not been giving over to Him on a daily, regular bases in rejoicing, thanksgiving, prayer and supplication (earnestly and humbly) my worries and anxieties … I have been allowing my worries and anxieties torment me, rather than receiving the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus!

Amen!

What about you? Are you being tormented? Do you stay up late at night worrying? Do you feel sick to stomach with anxiety and dread? This is not a magical formal, it is about having a relationship, a two way communication with your Heavenly Father who loves you dearly and wants to guard you with his peace.

The Harsh, Ugly, Painful Truth

“And do you seek great things for yourself? Seek them not, for behold, I am bringing disaster upon all flesh, declares the Lord. But I will give you your life as a prize of war in all places to which you may go.” (Jeremiah 45:5 (ESV))

Don’t seek great things? I am bringing disaster upon all flesh!? What!? That’s a little harsh don't you think? But then he says “I will give you your life…” OK what is this all about?

Now of course there is a greater context to this verse, but I am not going to explore it at this point. Instead I am going to share with you my mediation on it…

When I read this verse this morning two New Testament passages came to my mind:

“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven […] Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life […] But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” (Matthew 6:19-33)

“Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?” (Matthew 16:24-26)

What do these three passages have in common? Well, the link I made this morning was: 

Seeking not the things of this world, that in the end will be destroyed, and instead first seek the Kingdom, give up what I want for and in my life, instead go full-on for what God has placed in my life, trusting not only that he will give me life but that in this abandonment of my life is where I will find true life, life to the fullest! As Jesus said, “I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” (John 10:10)

I asked myself, and I ask you “What am I seeking? caught up in? holding on to? not trusting God for?”

The first thought that came to my mind made my cringe a little, because I thought, “Oh gosh, really is everything about this!?” But alas if I am striving to be an honest and vulnerable writer I must share the somewhat embarrassing truth that yes the first thing that came to my mind when I asked “What am I seeking? caught up in? holding on to? not trusting God for?” was: 

A husband and a family. 

Not that these are negative things to want, by no means! They are beautiful and I think God given desires… but never the less in the passage related to the above Matthew passage Jesus says 

“Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” (Matthew 10: 37-38)

This can be a somewhat complicated passage to understand, but how I understood it this morning in relation to my desire for a husband and a family, is that I am loving and desiring for a husband more than I am for Jesus, sure I love Jesus and I want to follow him with my whole life, but I want a husband and a family to be a part of that life, and the fact that they aren't makes me angry towards God as I feel that he is withholding something from me, I feel that he is in that regard withholding the fullness of life from me, I do not trust that without a husband and a family  I can have a full life following Jesus…

That is the harsh, ugly, painful truth.

As I briefly explored my desire for a husband and a family I discovered that my underlining desires are to be loved, seen and heard, valued and appreciated, supported and cared for, and my fear is that I will be alone. 

I believe these are all totally legitimate desires and fears, in fact I think this is how we are hardwired, to be in relation not only with God but also with other people, as “the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone’” (Genesis 2:18). I think that we are created to have some of these desires meet in relation with others…

Though “others” might not necessarily mean a husband and children. Maybe it means a rich and full community life. But that is a bigger conversation than I want to get into at the moment.

I will end with the question I asked of the Lord:

“Lord, how do I give up my desire for a husband?”

I felt him say to me:

“You don’t Maria, you give up the need to fulfill it…”

Me: “Huh?”

Him: “You stop trying to fill yourself and trust, as you seek first my Kingdom I will fulfill you, I will give you a full and abundant life.”

Me: “OK, makes sense, take my eyes off the wrong ‘prize’ and instead focus on the Way, the Truth, and the Life (aka Jesus, see John 14:6).”

Do you have anything you’re caught up in? Not trusting God for? Do you have anything you want more then Jesus? That you are seeking before the Kingdom?

No? I am the only one? Come on be honest, I am not even asking you to share it with the cyber world, just be honest with yourself before God, he already knows anyhow, and being honest, confession is the first step towards the full and abundant life Jesus came to offer you and me! Amen!

So let us “press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 3:14).

A King?

Before you start reading this please take heed that these are just some preliminary musings, so please read them with a grain of salt, that being said come let us muse together…

The other day my dear friend was praying with me and she shared with me Isaiah 54 focusing on verses 11 and 12:

Afflicted city, lashed by storms and not comforted,

    I will rebuild you with stones of turquoise,

    your foundations with lapis lazuli.

I will make your battlements of rubies,

    your gates of sparkling jewels,

    and all your walls of precious stones. 

Considering I have described my current situation like being on a roller coaster ride that I can’t get off of, and how much I love sparkles! These verses were encouraging and I made a mental note to read the whole chapter. 

Before I had a chance to read it, a couple days later Connally Gilliam (she is one of my new most favourite people, check out her book: Revelations of a Single Woman: Loving the Life I Didn't Expect) was speaking on singleness. I have to confess I was dreading it, as being single is one of those storms that are lashing me at the moment, and the prospect of being single for life haunts me, so I thought here we go again someone going on about what a great blessing it is to be single, that’s great for them but I don't want to hear it, I don’t want to be single for life, did you hear that God!? Not me choose someone else, I don’t want it! Please… 

Connally was a breath of fresh honest air! She spoke from the heart with truths that she has had to wrestle out herself over the years of being single. She did not paint some idealistic picture of singleness but she gave a honest and realistic portrayal of how one women has come to a place of peace, and believe it or not, thriving in singleness. You might be wondering what does this have to do with Isaiah 54, oh right sorry I got side tracked. Connally read part of Isaiah 54, a different part then my friend had read:

Sing, barren woman,

    you who never bore a child;

burst into song, shout for joy,

    you who were never in labor;

because more are the children of the desolate woman

    than of her who has a husband,”

says the Lord. 

“Enlarge the place of your tent,

    stretch your tent curtains wide,

    do not hold back;

lengthen your cords,

    strengthen your stakes.

As she read, I thought oh there is Isaiah 54 again, oh I don’t think I like these words as much, I don’t want to be a barren woman who has no husband! God I want a husband and children! 

Despite my resistant, Connelly’s words sunk in deep and I spent the next day or so chewing on them. The next morning I even journaled “OK maybe single would not be the worst thing ever… but I still want to get married and have a family.” Haha progress! Finally a couple days after hearing Connelly speak I read all of Isaiah 54, and to be honest it felt kind of like a slap in the face: “For your Maker is your husband” (vs. 5). What!? No! I am sorry God but I want an earthly husband! I know in my head that you are better than any earthly husband could ever be, but other people get both you and an earthly husband, I want both too! Please?

OK this is where the musing comes in… promptly after writing that, the question came to my mind “am I being like Israel in wanting an earthly king?”

Do you know the story? Read it in 1 Samuel 8, the gist of it is that Israel wants an earthly king just like everyone else, even though they have God the perfect King, and God warns them of the troubles that an earthly king will bring, but they insist and so God concedes and gives them what they want, an earthly king, and although they do have some good kings they have a lot of really bad ones… 

This is by no means a perfect comparison, because a husband is not the same as a king, God does not warn us against getting married as he did with having a king, marriage is a beautiful union that is blessed by God ... buuut in 1 Corinthians 7 Paul warns us “those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this” (vs 28). Again I am not saying getting married is in any way a bad thing (I still want to get married!) 

My musing is that maybe I am pushing for an earthly husband, and God is saying to me (at least for the time being) but Maria I am you Husband, and in marrying you will face many troubles… maybe I need to stop fighting for what I think I need and trust that God knows what I need and that he has my best intentions at heart, and that he is not withholding good from me, as “we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him” (Romans 8:28)… Either way I am single right now, and marriage is not the be all and the end all, I need to chose to focus on who and what I do have in my life, and what and who is the be all and the end all…

“For from him and through him and for him are all things.
To him be the glory forever! Amen.” (Romans 11:38)

Do you have an "earthly king" desire or even demand in your life?

For His Glory

What is your purpose? What is my purpose? What am I doing with my life? What are any of us doing with our lives? Is this all just meaningless? No, it can’t be. Can it? I don’t think so, I have to believe we are all here for a reason. So what is that reason? 

Isaiah 43:7 says, “everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.” 

Oh OK super helpful, I am created for God’s glory, now I understand, right? No! Not at all, so I am created for his glory, but what is God’s glory? Do you know? Yeah, me neither! OK so I guess a good place to start would be to figure out what it means by “my glory” … and what better place to look for all lives tricky questions than Google! 

John Piper attempts at a definition:

So here is an attempt at a definition. The glory of God is the infinite beauty and greatness of God’s manifold perfections. The infinite beauty—and I am focusing on the manifestation of his character and his worth and his attributes, all of his perfections and greatness are beautiful as they are seen and there are many of them. That is why I use the word manifold. 

(to read further: http://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/what-is-god-s-glory)

And then of course there is the great source of all knowledge, Wikipedia:

Glory (from the Latin gloria, "fame, renown") is used to denote the manifestation of God's presence in the Christian religious tradition.

(again to read more check it out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glory_%28religion%29)

Alright, so what have we learned? God’s glory is the manifestation, or demonstration, of God’s abounding perfections, greatness, and beauty, that is his character, his worth, and his attributes.

It seems to me that in order to know what God’s glory is, the glory that we have been created for, we need to know who God is, because we need to know his character, his worth, and his attributes. And how do we know who God is? How to we discover his character, his worth, and his attributes? I think the best place to start is, not google this time, but in his written revelation: the Holy Scriptures. Who does the Bible say God is? Well, we can’t cover it all here, as that is a life long discovery, but I think we can start…

Ephesians 2:4-9 tells us that God is rich in mercy, that he has great love, and that he has immeasurable riches of grace and kindness. 

Deuteronomy 32:4 tells us that all God’s ways are just and that he is faithful, perfect, just and upright. 

1 John 4:8 tells us that “God is love”… and 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 tells us that:

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.

We have only just begun scrape the surface, we could spend quite a long time unpacking what these passages mean, and I encourage you to do just that, to pull out your Bibles, or pull them up if you use an online version, and spend some significant time dwelling in and mediating on these words that tell us of who God is. 

But for the sake of this blog, and because I need to get to school, I am going wrap this up…

We are created for, that is, our purpose is to demonstrate to the world God's glory, who God is...

God is merciful. Therefore we are created to glorify God, and thus we are fulfilling our purpose, when we demonstrate mercy.

God is graceful and kind. Therefore we are fulfilling our purpose, when we demonstrate grace and kindness.

God is faithful and just. Therefore we are fulfilling our purpose, when we demonstrate faithfulness and justice.

God is love. Therefore we are fulfilling our purpose, when we demonstrate patience and kindness; when we don’t envy or boast; when we are not arrogant or rude. When we don’t insist on its own way; when we are not irritable or resentful; when we don’t rejoice at wrongdoing, but instead when we rejoice with the truth. We glorify God when we bear all things, believes all things, hope all things, and endure all things…

Whoa man tall order! But thanks be to God it is him “who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose” (Philippians 2:13)

Take It Over The Top

Confession: What you are about to read, if you chose to continue reading, is not an exegetical commentary, it is a spiritual interpretation, if you can even call it that, really it’s just something that came to my mind this morning in reflecting on the passage, so take it or leave it, but don’t say I didn’t warn you!

A couple days ago I rediscovered my pencil crayons and doodle pad, so I’ve been doing some doodling during my still times in the mornings with Jesus. This morning I asked Jesus to give me an image to draw. What came into my minds eye was a picture of a glass over flowing. As I began to draw, the liquid overflowing was wine, but the liquid being poured into the glass was water. As my good friend Corine often says, “fishy!” As I coloured (oh what a pleasure it is to colour, so relaxing, you should try it!) the obvious Bible story came to my mind, you know the one where Jesus turns water into wine (John 2:1-11)? OK interesting, I continued colouring reflecting on the story, then I put down the blue pencil crayon and picked up a green and started writing…

God takes that which is ordinary and makes it extraordinary, and brings it to overflowing! Because it is his good pleasure to bless the world. We just have to be open to his Spirits move in our lives, in the world, and ask! We just have to ask God to move, ask him to take the ordinary, and even the loss then great in out lives and make it extraordinary, and cause it to overflow! And he will, because he wants to! As God cause our lives to overflow with his blessings, we will have the good pleasure of participating in blessing all around us! Because you see this is the thing, we are never blessed for our sake and our sake alone, but we are blessed to be a blessing (Genesis 12:2-3, Luke 12:48, James 1: 17-18, 2 Corinthians 9:8-10, Philippians 2:12-18, 2 Peter 1:3-4, 2 Corinthians 12:9, John 16:7, Luke 11:13, 1 John 5:13-15, John 14:13 ). 

What ordinary in your life can you ask God to make extraordinary and to overflow for the blessings of all around you? Now this is not just meaning material blessings, though it can, I also mean emotional, mental, spiritual blessings. Do you love to host people? Ask God to take this gift and push it into the radical, the extraordinary! Do you have a gift for science? Ask God to take your mind for science and take it to the next level! Do you have a solid loving family, or a great group of friends? Ask God to take your gift of family and extended it out to welcome those who are lonely and in need of love! You see that which we might take for granted, or overlook, can all be made extraordinary in God’s hands, to reach out into the broken world and bless it, according to His mission to love the world to himself! Amen!

Story

Yo! This is going to be a real short little thought, for real, I know I've said that before! haha

OK so I was reading Psalm 112 this morning (after being encouraged by Eugene Peterson (via reading his book) yesterday on the importance of praying the Psalms, he's got some really great stuff on the Psalms and prayer, really great stuff!). Anyhow, so I was reading/praying Psalm 112, and the verse that stuck to me was: 

7 He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord.

When I say it stuck to me, I mean it keep rolling around in my head, even after I had moved on, so I went back to it and chewed on it for a bit.

I already posted this on Facebook so if you are my friend you may have read this already:

I think of how often when I receive bad news or at least things don't go the way I want to I am troubled and worried, this is a great reminder that I don't not need to be afraid or worried because my Father is the God of the universe and he has my back! Now that's some good news, don't you think?

After posting, I asked myself, "self what are you afraid of?" And the answer came quickly and quite expected, "being alone." I know this is a great fear of mine, and I have blogged on it before. God's truth flooded my mind and heart just as quickly as the lie did, "I will never ever be alone, EVER!" 

Then I thought why should we trust the Lord? I mean it says in that he is not afraid because his heart is firm trusting in the Lord, but why? Why should we trust the Psalmist? I don't know the guy, for all I know he is a crazy man who talks to inanimate objects!

The answer that came to my heart was, we trust the Lord because he has proven himself faithful over and over again.

I thought yes, that is true, I don't have to take the Psalmist's word for it, I have my own proof that God is to be firmly trusted. Do you?

This is why it is so important to remember, to remember how God has been faithful to us. We remember together, we remind each other of God's faithfulness through testimony. 

This got me thinking of my dear friend Sue (not that she necessarily agrees with anything I am saying, it's just that her smiling face and laughter filled my heart), and story, the importance of story, what kind of stories are we sharing, what kind of stories are we listening to? 

The stories we fill our lives with matter. They don't have to necessarily be explicit Bible stories, but are they stories that tell of truth? Or are they stories that fill our minds and hearts with lies? This is why it matters what we read, what we watch, and what we listen to, we are being told stories all the time, all around us, we need to be discerning about what stories we let penetrate and take up residence in our hearts and minds, because stories shape us, they impact how we interact with God, with ourselves, and with others. 

I would love to continue on but I said this would be short! haha

What stories are you listening to? How are they shaping you? Quick example, watching Romcoms tend to fill my heart and mind with falls exceptions of relationships, and what life is all about. A better story for me to fill my heart with is about women and men who have lived lives fighting for social justice. That's just one example. 

Go ahead be honest with yourself, ask God to search your heart, to know your ways and to lead you in the way everlasting. (Ps. 139:23)