A King?

Before you start reading this please take heed that these are just some preliminary musings, so please read them with a grain of salt, that being said come let us muse together…

The other day my dear friend was praying with me and she shared with me Isaiah 54 focusing on verses 11 and 12:

Afflicted city, lashed by storms and not comforted,

    I will rebuild you with stones of turquoise,

    your foundations with lapis lazuli.

I will make your battlements of rubies,

    your gates of sparkling jewels,

    and all your walls of precious stones. 

Considering I have described my current situation like being on a roller coaster ride that I can’t get off of, and how much I love sparkles! These verses were encouraging and I made a mental note to read the whole chapter. 

Before I had a chance to read it, a couple days later Connally Gilliam (she is one of my new most favourite people, check out her book: Revelations of a Single Woman: Loving the Life I Didn't Expect) was speaking on singleness. I have to confess I was dreading it, as being single is one of those storms that are lashing me at the moment, and the prospect of being single for life haunts me, so I thought here we go again someone going on about what a great blessing it is to be single, that’s great for them but I don't want to hear it, I don’t want to be single for life, did you hear that God!? Not me choose someone else, I don’t want it! Please… 

Connally was a breath of fresh honest air! She spoke from the heart with truths that she has had to wrestle out herself over the years of being single. She did not paint some idealistic picture of singleness but she gave a honest and realistic portrayal of how one women has come to a place of peace, and believe it or not, thriving in singleness. You might be wondering what does this have to do with Isaiah 54, oh right sorry I got side tracked. Connally read part of Isaiah 54, a different part then my friend had read:

Sing, barren woman,

    you who never bore a child;

burst into song, shout for joy,

    you who were never in labor;

because more are the children of the desolate woman

    than of her who has a husband,”

says the Lord. 

“Enlarge the place of your tent,

    stretch your tent curtains wide,

    do not hold back;

lengthen your cords,

    strengthen your stakes.

As she read, I thought oh there is Isaiah 54 again, oh I don’t think I like these words as much, I don’t want to be a barren woman who has no husband! God I want a husband and children! 

Despite my resistant, Connelly’s words sunk in deep and I spent the next day or so chewing on them. The next morning I even journaled “OK maybe single would not be the worst thing ever… but I still want to get married and have a family.” Haha progress! Finally a couple days after hearing Connelly speak I read all of Isaiah 54, and to be honest it felt kind of like a slap in the face: “For your Maker is your husband” (vs. 5). What!? No! I am sorry God but I want an earthly husband! I know in my head that you are better than any earthly husband could ever be, but other people get both you and an earthly husband, I want both too! Please?

OK this is where the musing comes in… promptly after writing that, the question came to my mind “am I being like Israel in wanting an earthly king?”

Do you know the story? Read it in 1 Samuel 8, the gist of it is that Israel wants an earthly king just like everyone else, even though they have God the perfect King, and God warns them of the troubles that an earthly king will bring, but they insist and so God concedes and gives them what they want, an earthly king, and although they do have some good kings they have a lot of really bad ones… 

This is by no means a perfect comparison, because a husband is not the same as a king, God does not warn us against getting married as he did with having a king, marriage is a beautiful union that is blessed by God ... buuut in 1 Corinthians 7 Paul warns us “those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this” (vs 28). Again I am not saying getting married is in any way a bad thing (I still want to get married!) 

My musing is that maybe I am pushing for an earthly husband, and God is saying to me (at least for the time being) but Maria I am you Husband, and in marrying you will face many troubles… maybe I need to stop fighting for what I think I need and trust that God knows what I need and that he has my best intentions at heart, and that he is not withholding good from me, as “we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him” (Romans 8:28)… Either way I am single right now, and marriage is not the be all and the end all, I need to chose to focus on who and what I do have in my life, and what and who is the be all and the end all…

“For from him and through him and for him are all things.
To him be the glory forever! Amen.” (Romans 11:38)

Do you have an "earthly king" desire or even demand in your life?

For His Glory

What is your purpose? What is my purpose? What am I doing with my life? What are any of us doing with our lives? Is this all just meaningless? No, it can’t be. Can it? I don’t think so, I have to believe we are all here for a reason. So what is that reason? 

Isaiah 43:7 says, “everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.” 

Oh OK super helpful, I am created for God’s glory, now I understand, right? No! Not at all, so I am created for his glory, but what is God’s glory? Do you know? Yeah, me neither! OK so I guess a good place to start would be to figure out what it means by “my glory” … and what better place to look for all lives tricky questions than Google! 

John Piper attempts at a definition:

So here is an attempt at a definition. The glory of God is the infinite beauty and greatness of God’s manifold perfections. The infinite beauty—and I am focusing on the manifestation of his character and his worth and his attributes, all of his perfections and greatness are beautiful as they are seen and there are many of them. That is why I use the word manifold. 

(to read further: http://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/what-is-god-s-glory)

And then of course there is the great source of all knowledge, Wikipedia:

Glory (from the Latin gloria, "fame, renown") is used to denote the manifestation of God's presence in the Christian religious tradition.

(again to read more check it out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glory_%28religion%29)

Alright, so what have we learned? God’s glory is the manifestation, or demonstration, of God’s abounding perfections, greatness, and beauty, that is his character, his worth, and his attributes.

It seems to me that in order to know what God’s glory is, the glory that we have been created for, we need to know who God is, because we need to know his character, his worth, and his attributes. And how do we know who God is? How to we discover his character, his worth, and his attributes? I think the best place to start is, not google this time, but in his written revelation: the Holy Scriptures. Who does the Bible say God is? Well, we can’t cover it all here, as that is a life long discovery, but I think we can start…

Ephesians 2:4-9 tells us that God is rich in mercy, that he has great love, and that he has immeasurable riches of grace and kindness. 

Deuteronomy 32:4 tells us that all God’s ways are just and that he is faithful, perfect, just and upright. 

1 John 4:8 tells us that “God is love”… and 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 tells us that:

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.

We have only just begun scrape the surface, we could spend quite a long time unpacking what these passages mean, and I encourage you to do just that, to pull out your Bibles, or pull them up if you use an online version, and spend some significant time dwelling in and mediating on these words that tell us of who God is. 

But for the sake of this blog, and because I need to get to school, I am going wrap this up…

We are created for, that is, our purpose is to demonstrate to the world God's glory, who God is...

God is merciful. Therefore we are created to glorify God, and thus we are fulfilling our purpose, when we demonstrate mercy.

God is graceful and kind. Therefore we are fulfilling our purpose, when we demonstrate grace and kindness.

God is faithful and just. Therefore we are fulfilling our purpose, when we demonstrate faithfulness and justice.

God is love. Therefore we are fulfilling our purpose, when we demonstrate patience and kindness; when we don’t envy or boast; when we are not arrogant or rude. When we don’t insist on its own way; when we are not irritable or resentful; when we don’t rejoice at wrongdoing, but instead when we rejoice with the truth. We glorify God when we bear all things, believes all things, hope all things, and endure all things…

Whoa man tall order! But thanks be to God it is him “who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose” (Philippians 2:13)

Take It Over The Top

Confession: What you are about to read, if you chose to continue reading, is not an exegetical commentary, it is a spiritual interpretation, if you can even call it that, really it’s just something that came to my mind this morning in reflecting on the passage, so take it or leave it, but don’t say I didn’t warn you!

A couple days ago I rediscovered my pencil crayons and doodle pad, so I’ve been doing some doodling during my still times in the mornings with Jesus. This morning I asked Jesus to give me an image to draw. What came into my minds eye was a picture of a glass over flowing. As I began to draw, the liquid overflowing was wine, but the liquid being poured into the glass was water. As my good friend Corine often says, “fishy!” As I coloured (oh what a pleasure it is to colour, so relaxing, you should try it!) the obvious Bible story came to my mind, you know the one where Jesus turns water into wine (John 2:1-11)? OK interesting, I continued colouring reflecting on the story, then I put down the blue pencil crayon and picked up a green and started writing…

God takes that which is ordinary and makes it extraordinary, and brings it to overflowing! Because it is his good pleasure to bless the world. We just have to be open to his Spirits move in our lives, in the world, and ask! We just have to ask God to move, ask him to take the ordinary, and even the loss then great in out lives and make it extraordinary, and cause it to overflow! And he will, because he wants to! As God cause our lives to overflow with his blessings, we will have the good pleasure of participating in blessing all around us! Because you see this is the thing, we are never blessed for our sake and our sake alone, but we are blessed to be a blessing (Genesis 12:2-3, Luke 12:48, James 1: 17-18, 2 Corinthians 9:8-10, Philippians 2:12-18, 2 Peter 1:3-4, 2 Corinthians 12:9, John 16:7, Luke 11:13, 1 John 5:13-15, John 14:13 ). 

What ordinary in your life can you ask God to make extraordinary and to overflow for the blessings of all around you? Now this is not just meaning material blessings, though it can, I also mean emotional, mental, spiritual blessings. Do you love to host people? Ask God to take this gift and push it into the radical, the extraordinary! Do you have a gift for science? Ask God to take your mind for science and take it to the next level! Do you have a solid loving family, or a great group of friends? Ask God to take your gift of family and extended it out to welcome those who are lonely and in need of love! You see that which we might take for granted, or overlook, can all be made extraordinary in God’s hands, to reach out into the broken world and bless it, according to His mission to love the world to himself! Amen!

Story

Yo! This is going to be a real short little thought, for real, I know I've said that before! haha

OK so I was reading Psalm 112 this morning (after being encouraged by Eugene Peterson (via reading his book) yesterday on the importance of praying the Psalms, he's got some really great stuff on the Psalms and prayer, really great stuff!). Anyhow, so I was reading/praying Psalm 112, and the verse that stuck to me was: 

7 He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord.

When I say it stuck to me, I mean it keep rolling around in my head, even after I had moved on, so I went back to it and chewed on it for a bit.

I already posted this on Facebook so if you are my friend you may have read this already:

I think of how often when I receive bad news or at least things don't go the way I want to I am troubled and worried, this is a great reminder that I don't not need to be afraid or worried because my Father is the God of the universe and he has my back! Now that's some good news, don't you think?

After posting, I asked myself, "self what are you afraid of?" And the answer came quickly and quite expected, "being alone." I know this is a great fear of mine, and I have blogged on it before. God's truth flooded my mind and heart just as quickly as the lie did, "I will never ever be alone, EVER!" 

Then I thought why should we trust the Lord? I mean it says in that he is not afraid because his heart is firm trusting in the Lord, but why? Why should we trust the Psalmist? I don't know the guy, for all I know he is a crazy man who talks to inanimate objects!

The answer that came to my heart was, we trust the Lord because he has proven himself faithful over and over again.

I thought yes, that is true, I don't have to take the Psalmist's word for it, I have my own proof that God is to be firmly trusted. Do you?

This is why it is so important to remember, to remember how God has been faithful to us. We remember together, we remind each other of God's faithfulness through testimony. 

This got me thinking of my dear friend Sue (not that she necessarily agrees with anything I am saying, it's just that her smiling face and laughter filled my heart), and story, the importance of story, what kind of stories are we sharing, what kind of stories are we listening to? 

The stories we fill our lives with matter. They don't have to necessarily be explicit Bible stories, but are they stories that tell of truth? Or are they stories that fill our minds and hearts with lies? This is why it matters what we read, what we watch, and what we listen to, we are being told stories all the time, all around us, we need to be discerning about what stories we let penetrate and take up residence in our hearts and minds, because stories shape us, they impact how we interact with God, with ourselves, and with others. 

I would love to continue on but I said this would be short! haha

What stories are you listening to? How are they shaping you? Quick example, watching Romcoms tend to fill my heart and mind with falls exceptions of relationships, and what life is all about. A better story for me to fill my heart with is about women and men who have lived lives fighting for social justice. That's just one example. 

Go ahead be honest with yourself, ask God to search your heart, to know your ways and to lead you in the way everlasting. (Ps. 139:23)

Maybe?

I feel like I'm missing something, like there is an empty hole in my life, in my heart. 

These are the first words that came to page as I journaled this morning. The thing is I'm not particularly sad this morning or anything, in fact I feel pretty good! So what's up, why such sad words?

Is this feeling sometimes maybe "normal" because we are living in-between times, you know the Kingdom here but not yet completely/fully?

Can I expect to be fully/completely satisfied on this side of eternity?

Some of you I am sure are going to give a big YES! I can hear you all the way from here! But before you discard my questions, hear me out?

Maybe because we live in-between times, we will not be fully/completely satisfied because there still is brokenness in the world (Rom 8: 18-25)?

And maybe we need to learn to trust, to have hope in God, that one day he will set all things right, but in the mean time we have to learn to live with the not-rights in away that is reflective of the sure hope we have in him (Rom 5:5)?

So then maybe I can give up this desperate grab for something/anything to satisfy me, to fill and complete me? And maybe I can stop and take a deep breath and trust that God is enough for me, and even in the pain, disappointment and dissatisfaction he is at work, and one day he will set all things right (Rev 21)?

I might just need to be OK with the not-OKs, as I wait on the Lord in anticipation and with a hope that will not disappoint.

There might always be some empty spaces in my life and heart, at least for as long as we are in-between times? But God is still good and he is working all things for our good (Rom 8:28).

So rather than focusing on the empty, some of what may not be filled on this side of eternity, I am going to choose to focus on the full, the spaces in my life that God has filled and I am going to participate with him in these full spaces and watch as he continues to fill them up to overflowing (2 Cor 9:7-9)!

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you,  who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honour at the revelation of Jesus Christ. (1 Pet 1:3-7)

Amen!

Re-Focus

This blog should be a quick one, I had a bit of a re-revelation this weekend and I thought maybe it would be helpful to share it will ya'll.

During an extended time of worship, as we sang songs about giving our all to Jesus, and him being all we needed, it dawned on me that I had taken my eyes of the "prize"...

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. (1 Cor 9:24-25)

I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. (Phi 3:14)

I believe the prize is a life of abundance, life overflowing in Jesus! 

The Lord gently pressed upon my heart that over the past couple years, I had slowly gone off course. In particular I have fixed my eyes upon the prize or goal of a relationship and a family. And although marriage and a family may be part of the abundant life God has planned for me, by fixing my eyes on them instead of Jesus, I have been living a life less than abundant. 

Even though I have had this realization, I still want to get married and have a family, I really cannot will or mentally convince myself into anything, I need Jesus by the power of his Spirit to transform my mind and heart. 

Jesus, I am asking for a re-vision of my heart, soul, and mind, I need you to re-focus me, please. Amen

I believe he will, help my unbelief, but it will take time, and some effort on my part, I need to be patient and diligent. Through continued prayer, praise and community I believe Jesus by the power of his Spirit can and will transform us! Amen!?

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2 looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith... (Heb 12:1-3)

Have you lost focus? Do you need Jesus in any way, big or small, to re-vision your heart, soul, and mind?

No Longer A Wretch

This morning I was inspired by a Humans of New York post on Facebook of a man who when asked "what's your greatest struggle right now?” answered "being honest with myself about deep, existential stuff…” 

I asked the Lord to “search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (Psalm 139:23-24 ESV)

Then I just let the words spill out onto the page, without censoring them or trying to understand them. They started off pretty dark:

I don’t trust you… 

I’m afraid of being single forever, I’m angry at myself for being to loud, to aggressive, to fat… 

I don’t want to be a pastor because I don’t want to be accountable, I want to do whatever it is that I want to do, when I want to do it… 

I like to be drunk because it gives me the feeling of hope…

Then something was checked in my spirit, although the above are true feelings, even if they are rooted in lies, I also have other true feelings, that are rooted in God’s truth:

I love you, despite my fears, doubts, and anger, I love you I really do! This is truth, my truth in Christ Jesus my Saviour, this is grace and mercy…

This is truly a marvel, it makes no logical sense, how is it that I have so much darkness in me yet at the same time I have the hope of Christ shinning bright?

The only answer I have is that by God’s marvellous grace and mercy, He has given me His Spirit by whom I cry, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit himself bears witness with my spirit that I am a child of God! (Romans 8: 15-16) 

Oh what a marvel! A miracle! I a wretch have been saved, I am being saved, I have been made, I am, a child of the living God! 

Oh wonders upon wonders! Praise be to the Lamb of God, who was slain, Jesus Christ my Lord and Saviour, the Lover of my (far to often wretched) soul. He has made me worthy, I am no longer a wretch, I am a daughter of the King! Amen!

If this is true for me, it also true for you. Ask the Lord to search you, and to lead you in the way everlasting…