I want you to know you are not alone. I want you to know there is no shame in your pain and brokenness, that you can open up, be honest about the darkness that threatens your life.
This is not about telling you everything will be OK, or even that there is hope in the end. Maybe that's not where you're at.
This is a call to be honest about where you are at. To be honest first with yourself, and then when you have the courage, with others.
"Shame can't survive being spoken." - Brene Brown
The truth is I’ll never be good enough.
Never. No matter how hard I try, I will fail. I will miss
the mark.
The pain of failure, of not being good enough, is sharp and persistent.
At times the busyness, achievements, beers dull the pain,
but it is ever present, a low hum waiting to return, to remind me of who I am,
who I am not.
Sinking in to the darkness, letting go of hope, embracing the
self-hatred; like an old friend who never disappoints, never far off, always
showing up.
That’s the end.
I want it to be. I want to wallow. I want to rage and hate
and hurt. I don’t want to hope or to smile or pray.
I want to hold onto my pain, hating myself, hating you,
hating the world, hating God.
But I can’t. I can’t deny the small quite voice that is beckoning
me.
He is calling me, into His love, into His peace, into His
way of life.
Jesus is calling me out of the darkness into His light.
Darkness will not win, not today.
I will breath. I will live. I will hope for a better day.
