Wednesday, 16 October 2013

Feeling Discourged

This morning as I sat down to return to my schedule of prayer and reading the Bible (after a nearly a week of vacation) I was overwhelmed with anger... this is what I began to journal... I am angry. I am angry at myself, I hate the world, I hate myself, I hate how unhappy I am, I hate how quickly I turn away... 

before I could go any further Jesus spoke into the darkness saying to my heart and mind "STOP looking at yourself dear one, look at my unfailing love for you, don't even look at your unfaithfulness"... and the the Spirit lead me to Romans 5:5 "and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." Looking up in front of me in large bold letters it said "For I will pour water on the thirsty land, and streams on the dry ground" from Isaiah 44:3. As the words of the song playing sung:

Come and fill this place with Your presence, Lord.
We need You.
We want You.
Our souls, they thirst for You.
You are the Water of life,
the Water of life, Jesus.
In this dry and weary land,
We need You.
We want You.
Our souls, they thirst for You. - Ryan Hall

The enemy was trying to discourage me with self condemnation  and self hatred... but by the grace of Jesus I was saved from that pit of hell, and placed on the Rock, Jesus Christ my Savior  Lord, and the Lover of my soul. I ended the time reading over Romans 5: 1-11 (it is really incredible  several times. and  sitting listening to the words of the song, opening up my hands, heart and mind to receive the love of Jesus for me. 

Romans 5: 1-11: Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5 and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. 10 For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. 11 More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.

Thursday, 3 October 2013

I'm blocked up!

This morning I asked Jesus (prompted by Chamber's devotional) "what is getting I between you and me?" Please tell me Jesus... Oh did he speak! Praise his holy and compassionate name!
My desires to be loved and to be happy... Which are of course meant to be satisfied by Jesus, but I don't really trust that he will...
Doubt and distrust are the big (old and persistent) blocks that are getting in between Jesus and I, and ultimately stoping me from receiving what I need and desire, namely love, peace, and joy! So instead of receiving these from Jesus I turn to other things in a desperate attempt to be fulfilled! Which needless to say for the long term (though often it feels like they do for the short term) they do not satisfy.
OK so next I asks my Jesus, how do I go from doubt to faith and trust?
And he answered me... 
One step at a time, Maria this will not happen over night, daily you need to chose to believe. A great start is for you to be reading your Bible, praying and worshiping every day. Meeting with other believes regularly for prayer and study together, as iron will sharpen iron. 
Be persistent Maria, don't give up, keep pressing in, knowing that you do have faith (no matter how small it is) and I AM the perfector of your faith, not you, so don't worry my dear one, just fix your eyes on Me.