Saturday, 9 August 2014

Broken-Hoped Girl

Who or what are you hoping in?

I recently had another aaaa "disappointment"... OK, I liked a boy and he didn't like me. I am 28 years old and I have been liking boys since I was 8, that is 20 YEARS!!! And this has been the pattern: I like a boy, we are friends, he doesn't like me as more than a friend, and I cry.

I recently was reflecting on the cliche "what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger" and I thought to myself I don't know if that is true, after 20 years of having my heart kicked, I think what is really happening is "what doesn't kill me only makes me weaker for the next blow!"

This is all very tragic and I don't mean to get you down nor have you feel sorry for me. But this is reality of the situation...

Or is it?

This morning as I was sitting in the glorious sunshine journaling to the LORD that I was tired and sad and didn't want to do "this" anymore, I didn't want to meet new people, I didn't want to get my hopes up only to have this dashed to pieces once again,  I'm done. Yet somehow the next words that came out were that I'm not ready to give up hope, followed by the whispered prayer:

Jesus I need new, properly placed hope, in you, and you alone...

There you have it, Maria is done, she has no hope left, but by the power of the Holy Spirit He is hoping for her, and most importantly He is not just giving me hope for the things that I want, he is reminding me that I place my hope in someone far greater, I am placing my hope in something better then anything I can imagine, my hope is placed in Jesus, in the coming of His Kingdom, the Kingdom that is here but not yet. This is hope that is not just for the far future, it is a hope for here and now, I get to participate in His love, in His Kingdom RIGHT NOW!

Now as far as a man goes, I may never meet "the one," I'm not going to lie to myself or you, that would be difficult, and there would be pain in that, and I don't think it goes away just because I have a "Kingdom perspective" because I think that is part of living in the in-between times in a broken world where the Kingdom has come but is not yet completely here. BUT THERE IS HOPE!

And so I ask you in who or what are you miss placing your hope? Is it in a man? a family? a job? being fit and healthy? Whatever it is often the things we place our hope in are not bad, in fact they often are good, but we run into problems when we place hope in these things over and above Jesus, thinking that they will somehow satisfy us, and they may for a time, but everyone and everything will always disappoint us at some point, but Jesus...

Now again this doesn't mean that having your hope properly placed in Jesus means you will not experience pain and disappointment, because you will, but what it will give you is hope in the disappointment, it will give you the ability to see beyond your circumstances to the bigger picture...

So I still I'm tired and sad, my heart is still weakened by yet another blow, but I am by the power of the Holy Spirit at work in me turning my eyes from myself to Jesus and He is giving me hope! for when I am weak He is strong!

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