I know that God loves me, because the Bible tells me so?

This morning my devotional focused on rejection and the unconditional love and acceptance of God. I have a hard time accepting, recognizing and believing the unconditional love of God. I know that God loves me, because the Bible tells me so. I know in my head that He loves me, but I have very rarely experienced the love of God go beyond my mind, into my heart and soul.

I am starting to really truly understand that it is of utmost important to experience and know God’s love in our hearts and soul, because it is His love that transforms us.

The Apostle Paul confirms this when He prayed “I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” – Ephesians 3:17-19.

Let\s take a deeper look at the phrase “to grasp”:

properly, take hold of exactly, with decisive initiative (eager self-interest); to grasp something in a forceful (firm) manner; (figuratively) to apprehend (comprehend), "making it one's own." - Helps Ministries, Inc.

attained (1), caught (2), comprehend (2), found (1), laid hold (2), lay hold (1), overtake (2), seizes (1), understand (1), understood (1), win (1). - NAS Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible with Hebrew-Aramaic and Greek Dictionaries

to take eagerly, i.e. Seize, possess, etc. (literally or figuratively) -- apprehend, attain, come upon, comprehend, find, obtain, perceive, (over-)take. - Strong's Concordance

My prayer for myself and for you is that we will grasp (with decisive initiative, make our own, attain, comprehend, take up eagerly) how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, because to experience this love is more important than any knowledge, and so that we will be filled up to the top and overflow with God’s love! Amen

This is important. Please take the time to reflect on your own personal experience of God's love. We can memorize all the bible verses we want, we can attend Church every Sunday, we volunteer for every good deed, and we can learn Hebrew and Greek. Without grasping, experiencing, understanding God's love for us we are not living in the full and abundant life that He has for us ALL.

Holy Spirit please soften my heart

Please open my mind

Please clear my soul

For your perfect, unconditional, never ending, all consuming, all healing, fulfilling and satisfying LOVE! Amen.

Grace?

This morning I was answering some questions in a devotional I am doing. I was asked the question what does “grace” mean to you? These are the stream of words and thoughts that I wrote on the page:

Grace? peace. deep breath. no worries. let it all go. lay it down. Give up! Jesus has it all under control. Be still child and know I AM God. Rest love patience joy kindness. genteelness faithfulness goodness HOPE. not me, Jesus. not by my strength or power but by God’s Spirit alone. It is all about God. for Him from Him and through Him. Blessed. saved. sanctified. FREEDOM! Love and mercy in abundance. Thank you. a life of gratitude and praise to the King of kings the grace giver Jesus Christ. Amen.

Your turn! Grab a pen and paper. Don’t over think this. Let the words flow from your heart and mind onto the paper. Do not filter them, edit them or monitor them. Now answer the question What does “grace” mean to you

Playing tug of war with Jesus!?

A lot has been happening in the past month or so. A lot spiritually that is. God is always working in our lives, by the power of the Holy Spirit are minds and heart are always being transformed from holy to holy. Yet there seems to be times when He is doing a “deep clean.” I am experience one of those times. I feel like God is doing open heart and brain surgery at the same time! I am still processing it all, and there is a lot to share, more than I am going to tell here.

Several weeks ago I come home and my Aunt is having tea with my mom. I sit down to join in the tea drinking and cookies eating. It doesn’t take long before we start talking about God. My Aunt asks if she can pray for me, which I of course say “YES!” because I can always use some prayer. One of the things that came out of the prayer time that had the most significance to me were a picture my Aunt received of me playing tug of war with Jesus.

Oh gosh! Why on Earth am I playing tug of war with Jesus! Silly silly me. Later on I asked God “What does this mean?” and God said to me “You need to drop the rope” and I thought “yes, OK I got that part, but how do I drop the rope” and God answered simply “stop trying to save yourself.” This rang very true to me. I have blogged before about my love of rules, religion and legalism. This is a weakness of mine, and it is really getting in the way with my relationship with Jesus, because instead of following and loving Him I am fighting him, I am resisting Him. Jesus is saying drop the rope, stop trying to do the right thing, stop trying to make yourself better, instead let me love you, lead you in the right way and I will make you the better person.

That’s just it, Jesus wants us all to drop the rope, we cannot save ourselves, which is why Jesus had to die on the cross and rise from the dead defeating sin and death. Are you playing tug of war with Jesus? Are you trying to in 10 steps or less to make yourself a better person (a better Christian)? It will not work. DROP THE ROPE!

OK We have dropped the rope! So now what? what do we do? We fix our eyes on Jesus. We pray, we sing, we spend time with other lovers of Jesus, we read the Bible and other encouraging books, we get out of our own little bubble and love other people, we dance, and we take deep breaths knowing that Jesus is transforming us from holy to holy. Amen!?

This is waaaay easier said than done. So please pray for me. I will be pray for you. Drop the rope grab Jesus’ hand and mine, and together we will walk this journey.

Beacause I Am A Girl

My heart was broken when I learned that…

·         70% of the one billion people living in extreme poverty are women and girls.

·         Girls are 3x more likely to be malnourished than boys.

·         In the poorest countries of the world, 50% of girls do not attend secondary school.

Girls and women in the world's poorest countries are the most vulnerable members of society, denied the same rights and opportunities as their brothers.

But there is hope! Because I also learned that…

·         An extra year of school for girls increases their lifetime income by 15%.

·         Children of women who have completed primary school are less likely to die before age 5 than children of mothers with no schooling.

·         Women invest more of their income in their families than men do.

Yes, there is hope! Investing in girls is key to eliminating poverty and creating a brighter, safer future for everyone. When girls are educated, healthy and informed, they pull themselves, their children and their communities out of poverty. The most vulnerable are potentially the most powerful. Empower a girl – she'll change the world for everyone around her, including boys and men.

I am a girl, so “girl issues” are obviously heavy on my heart… though I hate using the term women or girl issues, because women and men are humans, equally so, therefore women issues are human issues.

Are you a human? Than these issues concern YOU! So GET INFORMED. GET INVOLVED. Please check out Because I Am A Girl

My Special Kind of Double

A sister can be seen as someone who is both ourselves and very much not ourselves - a special kind of double. - Toni Morrison

Today is my special kind of double’s 23^rd birthday! I love my little sister. That being said Laura and I have had more than our fair share of “issues.” I confess that I have not been the big sister that I should or could have been. Through many years of praying the Holy Spirit has and continues to change my heart and mind towards Laura. We are no where near to where I trust we will be some day, but I am thankful for where we have come from. I can not overly express how grateful I am for Laura’s patience, faithfulness and love towards me. Laura is truly the perfect fit for me. God knew what He was doing when He put us together. Where I am weak she is stronger and visa versa. I am looking forward to where our Heavenly Father is going to take us, as sisters. I anticipate that Jesus has plans to use as for His Kingdom work that can only be accomplished if we work together.

Here is to you Laura - God bless you in this 24^th year of your life. May this year bring you into deeper intimacy with Him. I pray for you as you continue on this grand adventure we call life. I also pray that this time next year our relationship will be stronger and deeper.

Who is your special kind of double? They don’t have to be blood related. Take a moment to tell them what they mean to you.

Roller Coaster

I have not bogged in a couple weeks. Yes, I could say that I have been busy, which I guess I have been, but mostly I have been going through a thing or two and have not felt like blogging, I haven’t wanted to be reflective.

I am still in the process of sorting out all that is going on in my mind and heart, which I hear is going to take a life time! That being said I have no answers only a “break through” that I had in my thinking.

I was having tea and muffins with my dear friend Michelle. I was sharing with her that I have been struggling the roller coaster lifestyle I have been on over the past year or so (this is not the first time I have ridden the roller coaster, in fact I think I have spent most of my life on the roller coaster).

My roller coaster ride looks like this: a time of fervent devoted Jesus following where I go all crazy strict religious and then a time of partying and “letting lose.” This is an exhausting ride! I hate it. I end up feeling guilty and faithless.

I was telling Michelle that I think what is wrong with me, why can’t I live a life of consistently following Jesus, is that I follow a religious spirit. I had recognized that I was seeking life, passion and excitement. I would try and find it in religion, in struckture and self-discipline, but that only satisfied for so long. Then I would “go off the deep end” and try and find it in “the world” (ie. drinking, entertainment, parties, food and whatever else), and this also would only satisfy for long. Then I would go back to religion and up and down and up and down, I would ride the roller coaster.

In the past year I have come to the conclusion that neither religion nor “the world” is the answer, but Jesus being my life, living through me is. But I am having a really hard time letting this happen. I like religion, I like the rules and the list and the black and white. I also like “the world” the excitement, passion and quit simply fun! I don’t know how to rest in Jesus, and how to not let religion slowly creep into my life, which leads to me getting bored, frustrated, throwing my hands up and jumping off into the “the world,” which causes me to feel empty and crawl back into religion, and thus goes the roller coaster ride.

As I am talking to Michelle she tells me that in the book she is reading, the author is speaking about what I am struggling with. I am not going to remember what she said word for word but what I got from it was that God has created us with a wild spirit that seeks a great adventure. We can not find this great adventure in religion or in “the world.” I started to tear up and get really excited because what she was saying was speaking straight to my heart. Then she said that this wild spirit in me is not a bad or wrong spirit, it is how God created me. I am getting teary just thinking about it. I have for so long felt that there must be something deeply wrong with me, because I just can’t seem to keep it together, I can’t be satisfied with what is around me, I am always going up and down, I felt like maybe I don’t really believe in Jesus in all this Christianity stuff, because it doesn’t seem to be working. NO! I do believe in Jesus as my Lord and Savior and that He is the Spirit in me working to transform me! It is just that I have been a wild tigress (from a picture that my Pastor got of me) that is chained up in either religion or “the world.” Not only is this wild, adventure seeking spirit not bad, it is how God created me to be, it is from Him!

This reminded me of a dream I had several months ago, at the end of the dream when I had grown weak Jesus came and swept me up and we were flying together, I asked Jesus “why have you made me this way?” I meant it in a bad way. Jesus said to me “I have made you this way for a purpose, now stop being so hard on yourself.” Thank you Jesus. Thank you for the reminder and the confirmation.

I still don’t really completely know how to rest in Jesus and let Him live through me. I do know that I need to be on guard against a religious spirit, because I am drawn to religion, but then it bites me in the butt and I am driven to “the world.”

I want OFF the roller coaster and I want to be set on the Rock that is Jesus Christ.

I am trusting that Jesus will not give up on me! Amen!

Chasing the dragon

I am reading a truly profound book written by and about Jackie Pullinger called “Chasing the Dragon.”

My pastor Lynne gave the book to me, out of the God blue, and it gave me goose bumps because the name of my War College year is Dragon Slayers!

I deeply identify with Jackie, which confused me at first, because we come from different countries (her England and me Canada) we are being called in two different decades (her the 1960s me the 2010s), two different religious backgrounds (her Catholic, and mine Dutch Christian Reformed), we have very different life experiences (she being a bit of a goody two-shoes and me not so much) also I have lived in different cities, countries, done YWAM and other mission work, my understanding of God, Jesus and the Spirit is different, and she is called to Hong Kong and I feel that I am called to urban Canada, Victoria to be specific. Despite all these differences as I started to read her story, I felt a deep spirit and soul connection with this woman. As I was describing this to Lynne she said something along the lines that you both have the same heart, you want to be used by God. This hit the nail on the head!

As I read Jackie’s story I see my heart in her, this is a great honour as she is an incredible lover of Jesus and people and I pray that I will some day be able to live the life of love that she has. As I read the truly miraculous ways God works in and through her life, I can feel my spirit crying “I want to be a part of that, I want what she has, and I want to be used by God.” My hunger for God is increasing; my deep longing for His love and power to flow into and out of me is increasing. I read how God provides for her every need in incredible ways, how He heals people from addictions and all kinds of diseases, how He loves people through this women, how He draw the most unlikely people to Himself, and how He teacher and shapes her and I think “there is no reason He can’t do that in and through my life!” Jackie’s story is encouraging and challenging me to ask for, reach for, and live for all that God has promised us, which is an ABUNDANT life, I do not want to settle for anything less then EVERYTHING! I will live life to the FULLEST, because anything else would be a waste, and disregarding the sacrifice Jesus made to give us the full and abundant life!

I am finding this book to be incredibly edifying, I encourage you all to read it, but more than that I encourage you all to find books about real people who are living their lives in love with Jesus, because they will encourage you and challenge you in your own walk of faith.

What are some book about people that you have read that have encouraged and challenged you?